Phil me now

Hi

Once again, the blog has apparently taken a backseat in my life. Dr Phil sort of took it out of me, and then parties, work etc hold everything like blog up. Ill explain moment by moment my Dr Phil experience.

Having gone to bed at like 2am, I had to get up for 7am. I set three alarms, two on my PC, one on my cell/mobile phone. I had a taxi booked for 8a.m. None of these said alarms went off however so I jumped out of bed at 8a.m

Luckily my taxi was 20 minutes late, however for my expected moment of fame, I was sort of looking a heap.

As I don't have a suit in this country, I borrowed one from a German. European fashion is far superior to UK fashions. I didn't pull it off. I also didn't have shoes so instead wore my converse. Perhaps you will be able to view this excellent ensemble on screen when they finally get around to showing my episode.

After a long and fairly expensive cab ride, I arrived at the studios with about an hour to spare. After getting food, and for some reason panicking about being poorly dressed for such a prestigious show, I finally went into the compound. I should not have worried. Every rule of Dr Phil's clearly listed itinerary had been flouted. It would appear that bus loads (literally) of pensioners had been shipped in. They were not wearing business attire, or for that matter, even tasteful clothing. There was lots of loud colours, white, beige. In the end I felt a little overdressed.

After going through security (just in case, you know, I had given up on my plans to blow up the president, and instead attempt to murder Dr Phil) I then was presented with my VIP ticket, and rushed to the front of the queue. Turns out the only reason I was classed as a VIP, was because I was young and male. Herein ends the VIP treatment. Whilst the ordinary punters were allowed to sit on benches, I was in the 'special' VIP area, which was essentially standing, as a post to sitting. We waited like this for about 90 minutes until we were allowed through to the waiting area.

(As an aside, whilst waiting in the line/queue I spoke to some people who had paid $600 for 4 VIP tickets. They were a little annoyed about this as A) There appeared to be no VIP treatment, and B)They didn't even like Dr Phil that much and sort of wanted to go shopping. Its funny, pretty much no one there loved Dr Phil by any means, apart from one woman, but ill come to her later)

We then went through to the studio. I was seated in the VIP area of the audience (as in the bit where males who are not shipped in by bus sit). The same was repeated on the other side of a walkway, only with women. When five young attractive males walked in and sat at the front I sort of felt my moment of fame was over, only to have this assured when five attractive (Blonde) females came to sit on the mirroring, other side of the walkway.

What then followed would be described as a 'warm up' which essentially consisted of a fairly large man shouting at the audience to make a lot of noise, in exchange for Dr Phil merchandise. He then went to talk to people in the Audience (Barbra; what colour are your pearls? Barbra 'they are blue' THAT'S RIGHT, YOU WIN A DR PHIL MUG, everyone applauds and cheers) To finish off his act he then ran round, proclaiming that, if anyone shouted loudly enough at him he would give them a Dr Phil postcard, which could be exchanged for a Dr Phil book upon leaving the studio. As he bounced past me, I screamed really very loudly, to which I was indeed rewarded with a postcard (As a direct result now sitting in my draw is 'Dr Phil 7 Ways to an excellent relationship').

Just before the show Robyn came on. For this next bit to work however, you need a bit of background. Robin is Dr Phil's wife. She is always in the audience, and nods or shakes her head depending on what Phil is saying. For example. This episode he says 'Robyn always knows I'm shy, isn't that right Robyn?' (to which Robyn would be seen to nod her head) At the end of the show, Robyn always walks out with Dr Phil, arm in arm.

Recently, Robyn has been taking more of a leading role, including publishing a book (the catchy titled 'Inside My Heart: Choosing to Live with Passion and Purpose', and also leading the 'Women of Faith' conference in Texas. In the build up to Dr Phil coming on stage, one women, when being talked to by the bouncing warm up man almost collapsed giggling, and said how much she loved not only Dr Phil, but also Robin in particular.

So Robin comes on looking done up and plastic enough to be Cher (a concept only enforced, when moment before Dr Phil actually coming on stage for some unknown reason they played a Cher music video) and obviously entirely underwhelmed by the whole experience. Whilst the audience were encouraged to cheer the imminent arrival of Dr Phil and applaud wildly, Robin had a chat with her minder next to her, and clapped in a lethargic manner. All of this would be fine, if it were not for the annoying giggling lady being sat only 2 seats away from Robin, who then proceeded to attempt conversation revolving around how much she loved Robin's book.

Dr Phil finally made it onto stage, and was met by the whooping and applause you would expect for Dr Phil (not quite a riot as with Oprah, but none too shabby), and then proceeded to read from his autocue in a highly plastic, manicured way.

Indeed, as the show got going, it became very evident that the 'straight talkin' Texan' who prides himself on honestly was very VERY... fake. Caked in makeup and reading from autocue, it felt almost as if I were staring at a blinking lump of plastic in a suit. What the viewer does not see on television is that Dr Phil is always looking at cue cards, as if he expects, and knows how to respond to every comment of the guest. I suspected on several occasions that guests may have been given 'lines' to say, and that Phil's apparently spontaneous jokes were also written on his cue cards.

Upon going to a break, Phil spent a moment with the audience. After all, some had traveled miles to see the man, waited outside for a good 90 minutes, some (although by no means all) had dressed up, and were now sitting in a very cold studio, all, in essence, doing Dr Phil a favour by sitting in an audience for his tv show. Dr Phil was evidently aware of this, and so greeted his audience with the elaborate and engaging statement of 'How ya'll doin'?' which was met by applause. Then we went into part two. This was the end of his interaction (FYI Jerry Springer shakes the hand of every gust in the audience. On occasion, Oprah gives her audience members cars), but the show plodded on.

Guests are treated almost as poorly as the audience. Said guest meets Phil for the first time on the stage, talks for about 3 minutes, is vilified for being a nasty person, celebrated for being a good person, or given some kind words of Wisdom by the Doctor. When the segment ends (and segments can be about three minutes long) The guest is swiftly removed from the Doctors presence.

For example, in a video clip woman comes on saying that a man stole $100'000 from her, and lied to her to do it. When the cameras come back to Dr Phil, Phil discusses the case, makes a joke, then says 'it was an expensive mistake, but a valuable lesson'. Then that's it, none of the alleged caring/sharing attitude that is conveyed by the program at all. Even Jerry Springer had a green room for guests to 'resolve their differences' backstage. I knew it was going to be a bit like it, I just didn't realize how slick an operation it would be.

So all in all an excellent and fascinating mornings entertainment. I'm not sure when it will be on tv, but when it is ill get a copy of it somehow (Tim needs to download it!) And you may see me, perhaps momentarily on your screens. Watch this space! (Or in the uk, the highbrow ukliving 2)

David