David's Big Fat American Adventure

This is my blog which I will be keeping in the USA. Incase you were not already aware, im on a year abroad at UCLA (University of California Los Angeles) Im going to be living in Los Angeles before heading off on a whilwind adventure of the USA.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Everybody goes to Hollywood?

Hi All

The blog titles are getting desperate. There will soon, I fear have to be some form of financial incentive for people to offer me new titles for blog entries. I cannot keep it up for another year.

I am very sorry that it has been forever since my last blog update. To be honest since the last blog entry everything just exploded, ands I don't think i have ever been so busy in my life (that's not an exaggeration!) to the point where I ended up collapsing last Sunday, and, amongst a huge laundry pile I ended up with a snotty nose and a cold. I then lay in bed for about a week, only emerging for lectures, and a second visit to Dr Phil (more on that story later). With the pile of things to say getting bigger by the second, the prospect of sitting down to fill in the blog was a prospect I was not relishing. Indeed, reading this you may not be especially excited to know that this blog entry could go on forever. Ill try to make it as brief as possible.

If your reallly stretched for time I will simply let you know that I am well. I will also let you know that, if your reading this, then I'm thinking of you on a regular basis, although I do not contact nearly enough, and that I miss you. That sounds a bit wet and insincere to be honest, but I do mean it, so its staying. Hell, its my blog Ill write what I damn well want!....

Last time I spoke it was Christmas. We then went onto Pennsylvania to a place in the middle of nowhere for my step mothers sup rise Birthday party which was excellent. It is here where the 'good bad or other' section shall begin.

1) Going to excellent house in the middle of nowhere for Birthday party type even EXCELLENT
2) The house, in the middle of nowhere having a cellar that used to be a speakeasy EXCELLENT
3) Mulling over the contradiction that the house was in the middle of nowhere, and yet apparently a commercial success as a speakeasy CONFUSING
4) The fact that the house was very old, but also had a state of the art Jacuzzi with lights that changed colours to reflect one's mood (big Brother style) or would flash every 2 seconds or so as if one were in a watery disco EXCELLENT
5) Going into the Jacuzzi after drinking Egg Nog (a little bit like baileys, only with more cream and cinnamon, but also alcohol) and letting it curdle in your stomach NOT GOOD

(The next night, it was discussed how the house was not excellent as first discussed but in fact a little bit oppressive, as if people who had lived there before had just never left. As an example my step sister in law mentioned a Victorian child's dress left on the door of her room, as if the child had just walked out and never returned. After this I wound up back in the Jacuzzi, and, after others had left I stayed in for a bit. Getting out I realized I really was in the middle of NOWHERE, and that if I were to be killed by a man gunman, or indeed the child returning to salvage her dress I wouldn't be able to do an awful lot about it. I then went to get into bed generally freaked out by the whole thing, and was doing the thing where you listen to every creak which is futile in a house as old as the one we were staying in. It was then that my door creaked open. Evidently unhappy at this point I presumed it was just a latch, but then a small black object came out from the bottom of the door. I was at this point about to die from self induced fear, threw the light on, only to realize it was a cat. After negotiating with said Cat about the possibility of leaving the room it started hissing at me. This was my breaking point, and I instead ran to lock myself in the en-suite for circa 15 minutes) BAD

6) Having Christmas at Step Sisters/Step brothers in law, with father and step mother NICE

7) Being able to hear the queen on Christmas day albeit it at the more civilized hour of 10am TRADITIONAL

8) Went to see Niagara falls which were surprisingly EXCELLENT ( I though they would be BAD, but I liked them..)

9) The coffee shop next to Niagara being a reasonable price and quality EXCELLENT (Tim Horton I love you)

10) Popping into Canada, and seeing a poster saying "Its all about the flavour' PROPERLY AMAZING

11) Vising Thousand Islands (the ones the dressing was named after) NICE

12) Going to a bar in the town we stayed in and meeting 'the locals'. Conversation of the evening went something like this;
Man 1 (on me) This kid 21?! He looks about 15!
Man 2 I service government Agriculture equipment, like fiberglass on tractors and the like
Man 3 (Very drunk) I love my brother (Being Man 1) blah bhah bhah and this was this one time where I hit a guy, and I killed him I think.
Me Can I have another drink please?
(I think he actually did which made the whole thing worse, and I didn't really know what to say to him, I don't think he meant to, confusing...)

13) Visiting the Birthplace of the Mormons EXCELLENT

14) A Mormon attempting to convert me to the religion via the medium of a sign up card;
Mormon; Oh, you just need to fill in your details
Me; Oh, I can post it to you can I?
Mormon; Well yes, but I have a pen, and you can do it now
Me; Oh, well there does not seem to be a suitable surface (we were in a Victorian cottage)
Mormon; Oh, anywhere will do
Me; It looks like a long form, ill do it later
Mormon; Oh no, it will take two minutes, and we can send a Mormon round to visit you
Me; Oh I live in California, I don't think it would necessarily work out
Mormon; Oh, there are loads of Mormons in California

Putting fake details down to keep the Mormons happy - BAD

(as a note Mormons were created in Northern New York, Mr Mormon believing that the Angel Gabrielle visited him, gave him some scripture in hieroglyphics, and suggested that white Americans were the first to America, and that the native Americans stole it off the white Americans, therefore taking America was in fact just taking America BACK. They used to allow more than one wife, but then banned that about 100 years back, they also have a ban on all hot drinks, apart from cocoa, which apparently is not a hot drink. Coke and Pepsi are grey areas. There is a Mormon standing for President from the Republican side. Donny Osmond is also a Mormon)

15) Downloading Nelly Furtardo's album 'Loose'' AMAZING!!

16) Nelly Furtardo's New video featuring Los Angeles in the background BRILLIANT (you can see it HERE if you want to)

17) Getting back to LA LA land in time for New Year INDIFFERENT

18) New Years Eve - Generally a let down, however, this years was a particular let down due to the fact that Los Angeles simply could not be bothered. Out XL Pizza was too small. The TV showered a time shift of times Square at midnight (despite the fact the ball had dropped 3 hours previous due to timezones). Going onto the apartment roof to see firework was rubbish as it was cold, and there were no fireworks. Even the version of Auld Lang's Eye was a rubbish version. New Years is always rubbish, but this years was AWFUL

After New Year's Eve, life appeared bleak indeed, however.....

19) Steffen's friend hiring a car AMAZING

20) Actually managing to secure a car SUPER STRESSFUL. Here is why; (You can skip this bit if your in a hurry)
  • it took over 5 hours
  • The first place we tried to hire a car from promised us $300, it cost $450 when we arrive. The price jumped up and down, until we arrived at $380
  • We then got into a row with the company over signing a blank cheque (apparently a standard procedure. Steffen being of both German and an Economist begged to differ, suggesting that signing a blank cheque was asking for trouble)
  • An employee thinking he could lighten the mood by listing all the German swear words he knew. I have now learned that there is no way to wind a German up quicker than listing all the German swear words you know.
  • We then stormed out, with Steffen and salesperson refusing to even look at one another
  • After going to another company, we were quoted $800. This was too much, so the woman on the desk whispered another company, and that, if we just sat and waited someone would come and pick us up.
  • We were indeed picked up by a random woman from the major car rental people (At this point I considerd slipping one of credit cards into my underwear, so that, if we were all mugged at least I could get us a taxi home)
  • Luckily it all worked out, and we got a nice car, but it was a lot of effort!
With the car now in our grasp, we did a lot of fun stuff;

21) Going to another premier. Waiting 2.5 hours to see anyone BAD!

22) A very loud, irritating woman screaming at celebrities I have never even heard of, such as 'Angel from American Dreams' or 'Angelina Jolies Dad' BAD

23) Meeting Justin Timberlake SO SO

24) Buying a pen shaped like a fish for Justin to sing his autograph with, as well as a nice postcard depicting a cocktail in an airplane for Justin to sign his autograph on. Surprisingly NICE

25) The Pacific Coast Highway - The reason people come to Los Angeles AMAZING!

26) Malibu - (The place not the drink) BEAUTIFUL ALSO
(N.B Cher lives around these parts. I was excited)

27) Walking up the back of expensive houses on the sand. DULL

28) The Santa Monica mountains - Where they filmed mash, and where you can see the sea and mountains, and a very nice 'Nature Centre' EXCELLENT

29) The fact it rained this day EXCELLENT (not so exciting in retrospect, ill explain why soon)

30) Going to the Queen Mary - A very nice boat in long beach. It sounds DULL, but was in fact AMAZING. Here is why;
  • We got into it for free, because the doorman/security guard liked us
  • You can recreate that bit from Titanic on it
  • A slightly surreal coffee shop
  • You can go pretty much anywhere in it, and you feel like your exploring
  • There is a Russian submarine next to the boat declaring 'Communism Sank, but the submarine rose!'
31) Next to the old Queen Mary boat a real cruise liner was getting ready to leave. I wondered across to the entry people to see if I could have a look around. The woman laughed and said that I was too late, I should have asked before 9/11. AMUSING

32) Having lunch in 'Hooters' a little bit like a Hungry Horse, only more expensive, and with 'Girls' wearing revealing outfits who serve you. I didn't know where to look. BAD

33) Going to Walmart - It didn't sell any food apart from dried goods such as 'candy' and carbonated drinks. It had a Mc Donalds attached that you could purchase your food from at the checkout OBESE AND BAD

34) Going to Ikea, and buying a big fat blanket for my bed for about 7 pounds (on the downside it was 'used'. I did however wash it) WARM AND EXCELLENT
(NB, The potential/definite global warming thing has meant that its been really cold and wet in LA. It snowed here a few weeks back, which is literally unheard of. My roomate took a photo of the hail to celebrate. Someone used the understated phrase 'Its the best day of my life' to express the joy he felt to be COLD!)

35) The ease of doing laundry in this country EXCELLENT

36) University starting again BAD

37) My new classes;
  • The Media strategy class - also know as the 'why television and adverts are bad for you' class. Just shut up! I like adverts and television thank you.
  • The Russian literature class - Good, but far too many books to read. They are dense, and take forever to read.
  • Analysing California - On the face of it fun and varied. In reality DULL
I have come to the conclusion that I'm working at a GCSE level, only with 4-5 times as much work. As a result I am continually annoyed with my work, and under stimulated. Having said all this however, it is interesting to see how it all works, and fills out my time quite nicely. And I am able to do modules that I would never get a chance to do in the UK. And there is a potential I may do a fun photography project, so its not all bad news. Ill settle for the word OK

38) I realize now that irony does not work at all well on Americans. BAD

39) Being able to download Celebrity Big Brother in America - BRILLIANT!
(In America the newscaster places their opinion onto the news. Imagine Hue Edwards or similar half way through a broadcast just stopping the show to say how he felt about the whole thing. Its an interesting concept, and, as an avid Big Brother viewer of some time I think I may attempt to do this on the whole Shilpa thing. If you don't want to know then move on now)

What I think about the whole Shilpa Poppadom thing
It's all a little bit late for the Carphone warehouse to get an arse on about the content of Big Brother. If this is the case then it has supported extreme emotional manipulation (BB7 when Richard's mother wrote to him to say that she was getting over her cancer, played for maximum emotional impact) Potential violence (BB5 Fight) as well as bullying in the form of Big Brother itself. If you get into Big Brother then I guess its sort of part of parcel, but for Carphone Warehouse to get an arse on because of racism is I believe hypocritical, and indeed the media getting an arse on only now really is pushing it a bit. Rant over

40) On day 5 of CBB, the realization that over 500 pounds of hard earned laptop, years of development, and the world of information technology has gone into me being able to see Jade Goody's Mother fart on my laptop in California

The first week of term the weekend was consumed with;
The weekend road trip!
41) Five people in a really rather small rented car INTIMATE

42) Stopping at the most bizarre service station in the desert which featured a converted train carrage now a Mc Donals, and the most surreal giftshop ever, including Nelson Mandella and Bill Clinton action figures, as well as 'I love my German Sheppard' socks PRICELESS

43) Stopping past Las Vegas and eating a 'Cadbury Chrunchie' imported from, randomly, Australia EXCITING

44) My first vision of Vegas being a Bingo Hall, an old Bingo hall AMUSING

45) Going to Vegas through the 'coldest winter ever' COLD!
(An interesting fact is that when the air is freeing and your wearing lots of layers is that there are about 1bn potential electric shocks to be had BAD)

46) Ending up in Utah, home to 70% of America's Mormons surprisingly GOOD

47) Attempting to go to the Grand Canyon, then learning its closed so going to Xion national park, a stunning natural mounties area EXCELLENT

48) It being freezing and snowy FREEZING

49) Eating snow and icicles EXCELLENT

50) Climbing a mountain in the freezing cold in little more than a pair of Converse, Tesco Value jeans, and a Marks and Spencer moleskin jacket STILL FREEZING

51) Being tutted at by some professional mountain climbers who are wearing the proper attire for a freezing cold mountain ANNOYING

52) Almost slipping off the mountain on the descent AMUSING

53) Attempting to go and see a Canoyon as the sun sets, temperatures plummeting, no street lights, and being pulled over by police for apparently having too many people in the car (We didn't) NOT FUN

54) Realizing that 'plummeted temperature' in fact meant -20C! SCARY

55) Deer running across the already pitch black road, and thick freezing fog billowing across the road MORE SCARY

56) Arriving back at hotel GOOD

As you can tell by the 56 bullet points, a good time had by all, well, good time had by David indeed. What has followed recently has been work catch up, the realization that I had a dissertation to write (I have just bought 12 back issues of Oprah's magazine for just 5 pounds delivered, a big fat Oprah book, and I have just discovered that UCLA had 1500 back episodes of Oprah, I believe that one can have too much of a good thing sometimes)

I also discovered that next quarter I can get an internship, as in unpaid work for some place in LA. Now, this was exciting enough for me (I need to bulk out my CV a bit, I want to get a job when I graduate, American Studies won't sell itself!) But then I found out that only the Dr Phil offers sodding internships! I was just in the process of converting my CV for an American audience when I fell ill with a cold, and sort of stopped for a week. Not good. When ill I did manage to drag myself to a job fair type thing for Internships, however it was rubbish, mainly because if it were held in the uk it would turn very quickly into the 'how much free stuff are you prepared to give me' game, but here its 'how pretentious can I be with my leather bound Cv's to offer you' game. I left very annoyed, writing it off as a 'Not in the mood for America day'

Anyhow, if you have got this far, well done, the other blog post is better isn't it?

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home