And if we go to Mexico

I have now decided that there are plenty of reasons to be excessively happy with life. My blog however is not one of them. It has taken me about 4 weeks to finally secure myself to a seat to compose exactly what I have been up for roughly the past two months. This is going to be followed by a communication barrage on my part, so expect contact from me at some point soon. Having said this, my communication backlog is so long I’m sure if it were a wall, it would be viewable from the moon or something. Essentially it’s very large, and I just don’t think I’m ever going to be in a position to clear it, perhaps ever. However if your reading this then please be assured my inability to communicate with you is not because I hate you, but because I’m rubbish at communication.

Anyhow, onto other stuff. I honestly think that I would be able to give over one hundred pros and cons of being in LA in the past two months, but that could be a little dull for you. If this is the case, then you can just look at the pictures;

Mexico Spring Break Pics;
http://picasaweb.google.com/david.ling/MexicoSpringBreak07?pli=1

Mini San Francisco Road trip Pics;
http://picasaweb.google.com/david.ling/MiniRoadTripTowardsSanFransiscoApril07

However, in order to even slightly understand these images you will have to read the rest of the blog, so now, if you have reached this far, you’re in for the long haul.

The Oscars
it feels like FOREVER ago now, but I did indeed have the joys of going along to the Oscars about one day before the actual ceremony. It was actually pretty exciting. Whereas in Britain such an event would lead to half of London being closed off, with very little chance of getting anywhere close to seeing what was going on, the staff at the Oscars seemed only too keen to let us go up close to see everything. We even got a chance to walk down the red carpet, which was suggested by a staff member. The carpet was covered in plastic, but, (as the attendant dizzily explained) we could actually TOUCH the carpet through the holes which had been ripped in the red carpet by eager fans. I also got to smile next to an Oscar, and hug the big ones a lot as well. If you have not had a chance to see the images you can see them here http://picasaweb.google.com/david.ling/TheLeadUpToTheOscars

I actually watched the Oscars this year for the first time ever this year, which I think will have to be a substitute for Eurovision seeing as I’m In America, and why would America be interested in watching some Irish man complain a lot about rubbish songs across the other side of the world? THERE IS A WAR ON YOU KNOW! Anyhow, I digress, and essentially, for the first time in my life I knew all the films they were talking about, and had seen a fair few of them. By diffusion, living in the movie capital of the world has had an effect on me. (If you are interested in my thoughts, Happy Feet is a genuinely appalling movie, whereas winner of Best Foreign film “The Lives of Others” is perhaps the best film I have ever seen, and I strongly advise anyone reading this to go and see it/rent it immediately. This is not just because I am dating a German, and the film itself is from Germany. You can watch the trailer here if you want, but it’s not all that great; http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony/thelivesofothers/medium.html)

Anyhow, I realized that, being able to go to the Oscars, and then to be able to get a bus home makes me an incredibly lucky person. This, combined with the fact that it was a lot of fun to walk down the red carpet, and know all the films merits this experience AMAZING!

Internship
Without going into too much detail, American University classes have been of difficulty for me. This has been for a myriad of reasons;

· The American system of classes means that you have three ‘quarters’ of eleven weeks each. Each quarter, one picks 12 units. As the average class is four units, you generally take three classes. This is, in a way good because it means you can pick and choose literally WHATEVER classes you want anywhere, but also a bit annoying sometimes because things can feel a bit rushed. Like a selection box, when really all you wanted was a bar of Dairy Milk…. Perhaps.

· Each of these classes gives you an INSANE amount of work to do. The average literature based class would have one full novel to read a week, as well as weekly tests (see below), and then a midterm at the end of week five (a 90 minute test), and then a final exam and/or essay (essays longer than the UK ones). As a result classes become less about the content, and more of an endurance test as to if you can stay awake/sane for the full eleven week period. Add to this the fact that you’re only in America for a year and want to go and see some of it, and you can see the problem. (As demonstration of the endurance test mentality, the final week of each quarter, when everyone has a shed load of exams/essays to do the University opens up all available space on a 24 hour basis for people to work in, and then offers free coffee, and massages until midnight, in the vein attempt of keeping students awake to study EVEN MORE.

· As part of the endurance challenge game, I pulled my first (and hopefully last) ever ‘all nighter’. I went into the library at 9pm, and didn’t leave until 7am the next morning. There was a very scary moment at 5am, when I thought all my work had been lost. It wasn’t.

· Next up and I think I will have to practice a degree of diplomacy here; lectures in America are, less academically stimulating than those in Britain. In a sense it feels like I’m back in year 13 completing my A levels, or, in some cases, even year 11 completing my GCSE’S. Example of this is, just before Spring break I went back to the infamous ‘bar graphs’ of Microsoft Excel. A sense of dread came over me, especially because I never thought I would ever have to return to the dreaded bar charts again. (As a side note, what on EARTH is the point of a doughnut graph???)

· One of my lectures last quarter was pretty difficult. In America, lectures are pretty much at the mercy of what the lecturer thinks. There is very little capacity for analytical thinking, as one may expect from a degree, and instead there is a heavy focus on WHAT the content is, and this content is filtered by the lecturer. This is generally fine, as student views fit those of the lecturer, however it can become very frustrating if you do not agree with what your lecturer says. This all became a problem last quarter. I was taking a class which I thought would focus on the ways advertisers make you buy products, which is excellent, because I like adverts, and think that generally they are a good thing. Say what you like against Coca Cola, but they can make a good advert etc etc. It was with sadness that I learned to discover therefore, that our lecturer was all but a communist on a political mission. Instead of focusing on the joys of the advertising world, I was treated to, amongst other things, a suggested no media day (where I would not have any contact with the media at all, and apparently rediscover friendship), contacting the government to redeploy the airwaves for the nation, suggested independent local stations set up by the public (which if anyone has ever seen local TV will know is a terrible idea), and, for some bizarre reason, a lecture of Americas reliance on foreign oil. The final straw came in our revision notes which suggested that mass media “robs you and society as a whole of its most vital resource: the cognitive power of the individual” –The main problem being that I LIKE ADVERTS AND MASS MEDIA!!!

· Due to the way my degree works, the grades from this year mean nothing, which, in some ways is a good thing, but is sort of demotivating

ANYWAY, the main point of this piece was that, for this new and final quarter, I wanted to try out something new, which is why I wanted to apply for an internship, essentially work experience for ten weeks. Now, the way it works in Hollywood apparently, is it’s not WHAT you know, it’s WHO you know. This means that many people looking to get into the entertainment industry will be willing to do near anything to get a foot in the door of the industry. As it happens I thought it would be pretty cool to work in the entertainment industry, what with being near Hollywood and the like. I learned very quickly however, that many people are in the market to exploit free labor, and so I had to attempt to avoid these types. There is an AMAZING story to be told about one potential employer, but I’m afraid I cannot write about it until I’m out of Los Angeles, because I’m genuinely scared of repercussions from the people involved upon reading my blog. All Ill say it involved being called Brother David, a man roughly sixty at the head of the company/cult, and a very young ex intern who enjoyed hugging him. There was also a company who had their head quarters as a Starbucks, because they didn’t have an office. So there we go. (Essentially I wanted an Internship whereby I would just serve Justin Timberlake Cheesecake, or perhaps operate a deli in Beverly Hills)

Anyhow, I got an Internship, which is amazing, and I’m glad I have it. I will write more about what involves, but chronologically at least it’s important to talk about Spring Break first, as well as the loss of Gen!

The Loss of Gen
essentially one of the finest Australians to grace Californians fine shores, departed them just before Spring Break. Gen was a good friend, from Australia, who went home. MISS YOU GEN!!! Before she left, we spent many an hour finding excellent youtube videos. The following are a testimony to Gen;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xinHLPdt98g – Beverly French of ITV Play performing Flash dance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJ-3qkSoVKA – Directors commentary on the Mint

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA621_F3bKw – Paris Hilton runs out of Gas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnLtsoWFZsQ – Quite possibly the funniest thing anywhere EVER.

Miss you Gen!

My first (and last) ever Spring Break!!!
Okay, I can prattle through this section, as; up to this point I think the whole blog has been a little dense. Before I start, a little background on the infamous ‘Spring Break’

· Whereas a UK student would get 4 weeks Easter Holiday, the American student gets one, before the intense classes start up again for another 11 weeks.

· As a result Spring break is generally about going somewhere with a beach, and drinking A LOT.

· As the drinking age in America in 21, generally people flood in Mexico as A) The drinking age there is 18 and B) The weather is generally nicer.

· Perhaps like a holiday to Ibiza therefore, the theme is drink and party by night, sleep during the day.

Now, not wanting to be a total party pooper, yet also wanting to shove a bit of culture into my week off, I compromised with my fellow travel companions (the delectable Isabella Nolte, and German Steffen Felix), to have three nights in Mexico city, and then five nights in Acapulco. Here is the good, bad and other of the trip;

1. The bus to the airport – as is always the way, mad people ride the buses in LA, all the time. Today was not different, and we got into a fight with someone claiming we were sitting in the wrong area of the bus. He said we didn’t know because “we were not from round here”. To annoy him Steffen and Issa spoke in German about him. When he asked what they were saying Issa responded coyly “Oh. We were speaking German”. Net result, he kicked their luggage as he left. STRESSFUL!

2. At the airport, the people responded as if they had never handled an international traveler in their lives. We waited for about 30 minutes, with the warning that we would have to be ‘specially screened’ ANNOYING

3. To be specially screened meant that we were bought into a special holding area at the security check. Or at least we would have been if there had been only two of us. As there were three, an impromptu security area was set up in a corner of the security area. STRESSFUL

4. We had to take off our shoes, and they were swabbing them. I was told later this was to check for explosives, but at the time I thought they were checking for drugs. The night before I had been at a party where weed was being smoked and perhaps other stuff. I thought there could be some on my shoes. STRESSFUL

5. The rule goes, never smile in security checks, it only annoys them. Therefore, a bemused Issa standing next to me, asking about the potential of taking a photo to remember the event, was too much. AMUSING, turning to STRESSFUL

6. The flight to Mexico City – Uneventful, apart from the amazing in-flight magazine, which invited me to buy, amongst other things, wall sized cd stands, “the biggest map of the world in the world”, and this excellent product; http://images.skymall.com/images/products/a0/17/06/102211795x.jpg
Why, the number of times I have been flying to a foreign destination and thought “my I really would like a tree sculpture that would intimidate animals and young children,” and then, Bingo, someone develops a product for just such a niche. AMAZING

7. Mexico City – A pretty beautiful place to be honest. It reminds me of a nicer version of Los Angeles, in the sense that it has the same sort of feel of Los Angles (LA has a really noticeable Mexican population), yet also has A)Public spaces, including nice, large parks B)Lots of trees/plants C)A feasible public transport system. This is EXCELLENT, but also sort of sad, because it shows me all the things that LA could/should (?) be. (NB, I think, although it has taken about nine months, I’m finally making my peace with LA, and so I’m sort of wary about complaining about it. This could lead to inner fulfillment yes, but, unforchanatly for the reader, less exciting blog entries). EXCELLENT/SAD

8. As it happens, just days before going to Mexico City I went to Universal Studios and saw a ‘set’ of Mexico. As a result I got the set and real Mexico a little confused. Mexico looked a little bit like a film set therefore EXCELLENT

9. Mexican Pyramids. Pretty cool, however A)It was too hot B)They are largely made of concrete, which, I do not think was not the Aztec construction material of choice and C)They are totally dilapidated compared to their original glory. DISSAPOINTING

10. The Mexican subway. At first when I was In Ecuador, I was really wary of salespeople on the public transport system. However, very quickly I became really into it, a little bit like a live shopping channel. The Mexican subway had a number of these vendors; however the product of choice was cd’s. When they saw that there were ‘Americans’ on the train (as in us) some gravitated towards us. They played their music on sound systems to sample it to the train load of people. The speakers were evidently up loud so that they would fill the whole carriage. When the speakers were moved next to us however, the music became VERY LOUD INDEED. However, even this cannot detract from the joy of salespeople EXCELLENT.

11. Bus tours of Mexico city – EXCELLENT

12. Getting caught up in protests of national significance, complete with reporters carrying gas masks STRESSFUL

13. The food of Mexico City – Brilliant – I like spicy food a lot. My stomach does not however. Without too much emphasis, on the second day of Mexico, my stomach near imploded in protest. The next day, I would not eat spicy food. EXCELLENT leading to STRESSFUL

14. Walking round Mexico city in general EXCELLENT

15. Our bus to Acapulco – Essentially possibly the best bus I have ever been on in my life, and potentially perhaps the highlight of the whole trip. The bus had only 25 seats, only 3 seats a row, stretch back to almost horizontal, LEG RESTS, infinite leg room, and waitress service! As I cruised out of Mexico city on the First Class bus, I sipped my waitress served coke and contemplated the possibility of National Express adopting such a bus policy EXCELLENT

16. The stewardess of the bus, for whatever reason essentially hated me. I tried to smile at her a lot, but it did no good. The final straw came when I asked for a cup of tea with milk. I didn’t know it would be chamomile tea, and therefore served without milk. She was not impressed with my cultural ignorance, and looked visibly angered. EXCELLENT

17. Practicing my Spanish again “Es Possible” “Donde Esta la banos?” EXCELLENT

18. Never being understood when speaking Spanish. Ever. EXCELLENT

19. Acapulco hotel – Only 20 pounds/per person/per night all inclusive including alcohol. In theory AMAZING, in practice VARIABLE. This is for a number of reasons;

20. Insanely loud music by the pool; Maroon 5’s album has perforated my ear drums I swear

21. Ants crawling in the Salad – sort of UPSETTING

22. A really very bizarre room layout – I would suggest that, if one were to run a budget hotel, it would be a wise idea to avoid themed rooms. It was with sadness to learn therefore that this rule had been bypassed, and that the rooms had a bizarre ‘Roman’ theme. ODD

23. The bizarre theme was continued in the lobby/dining area with tiled images of Romans in full attire. Depicted was a Roman ready to go to war, which is fine, yet also a woman looking a little sinister, a little bit like a man, and also lifting her toga up in a worryingly provocative manner. This via the medium of tile art, combined with the underlying 70’s décor vibe was CONFUSING

24. My apparent ability to sit on the beach for hours and not get stressed that I should be doing something more pro active (in an attempt to avoid getting bored I bought about 6 issues of heat magazine, 4 issues of Oprah, one Newsweek, one random magazine, and one book to read on said beach) SUPRISING

25. Big waves – STRESSFUL

26. Missing the mass Spring Break transit by one week AMAZING

27. Ignorant American teenagers going into a convenience store, and speaking English at the shop keeper, who evidently didn’t speak a word of English, about paying in Dollars. ANNOYING

28. Whilst Acapulco was honestly amazing, at times I felt uncomfortable about everyone waiting on me. With the majority of spring breakers gone, there was far more supply than demand. Having lots of people trying to sell you stuff because you were the only people was a little bit sad, and disconcerting. There were people of an older generation just waiting to serve us; it didn’t always feel all that comfortable. The only way I guess I could get round it was by trying to be super nice to them. I attempted to justify it by saying to myself that I have worked rubbish jobs for years, but it didn’t quite wash…

29. There was one surreal night on the back of this where we went to a mega sized club, and found there to be only about 25 people in total inside. Essentially three of us (as well as three Americans), and fifteen Mexicans, all of about 17. It was oddly enough pretty fun, until we realized that the teenagers were copying our dance moves. To test this theory we threw in a ‘dummy’ move of waving our arms about in a distressed manner, and they all copied. Unforchanatly the joke was on me, because I felt guilty for misleading them, and so had to keep up the façade for about 3 minutes. EXCELLENT

30. The guy who served me my drinks (It was waiter service) looked exactly like the Ompa Looma from Charlie and the Chocolate factory (the new one) BIZARE

31. Going to the restrooms of a huge club, and being totally alone in them. It felt a little bit like a horror film, where everyone else had been killed, such as 28 days later BIZARE

32. Going into the ‘real’ Acapulco, and discovering real people. It’s pretty cool to know that, even in somewhere as touristy as Acapulco there is some real life and genuine stuff just below the surface. AMAZING

33. Watching cliff divers jump off cliffs (They are cliff divers, it’s what they do) BRILLIANT

34. Airport on the way back NIGHTMARE, mainly because the people who ferried us from the terminal to the plane had literally no idea where the plane was.

35. Because we were not allowed to bring fluids onto the plane I literally managed to drink 2 liters of water in 4 seconds because we didn’t want to waste money/water. My throat hurt I had opened it out so much. Due to late departure and messing around on the runway for about 40 minutes I was really very ready for the restroom by this point. I waited for takeoff, I waited for the seatbelt off sign, and I waited a bit longer, still no seatbelt off sign. The message then came over the tannoy that we had turbulence, and that no one was allowed to move, including the crew. Steffen who sat with me, when I told him my predicament practically barked at me to stay in my seat. I even pushed the call cabin button, which only resulted in voices over the tannoy saying that staff would only respond if there was an emergency. I needed restroom so badly by this point I was genuinely on the verge of tears. It was only when I was honestly considering urinating in the sick bag (I was, in fairness at this point offered a plastic bag by Issa) that my situation was understood. I was advised to bound for the restroom and hope for the best, even in the face of the severe turbulence. I told the cabin attendant what I was doing as I bounded past her. She told me I could go, but that it would be “at my own risk”. I held on to all the bars available in the restroom for fear of being flung onto the ceiling. It felt a little bit like snakes on a plane to be honest. Only without snakes… And a full bladder. But none the less equally dramatic.

Anyhow, I have been writing this blog for about 4 hours now, and I still have a shed load to talk about, so I’ll do that really soon.

Oh I wish I was a Punk Oscar with flowers in my hair

Hi all

Its that time again for me to update the blog, and it indeed looks like it will be a genuinely interesting one, as, my week has been, a genuinely interesting one. Three things of note; the 26 hour charity dance marathon hell, the deeply odd religious undertone Internship application, as well as the all important Oscars. I also bought some very nice new shoes, but im sure Ill intergrate that into the blog later. Ok, so on with the blog...

The 26 Hour Dance Marathon
As seems to have been the way since about the age of 17, I have a tenancy to put myself out extrodinarily, all in the name of charity, some of you will will remember Malawi child, or sleeping rough for a homeless charity in December. All of you will remember Ecuador. Anyhow, I would suggest that this time, even for me, this severely pushed it. In October time I signed up to dance for 26 hours, to support Pediatric Aids. There was a minimum amount that each registered dancer had to raise of $225, and, I thought, with the exchange rate being as it is, I could easily raise it. Anyhow, last week involved frantic last minute fund raising. I say last minute as if I had raised the majority of my money prior to this. In fact, I raised pretty much ALL my money last week, and only just nudged myself over the target in time for the Saturday morning deadline.

When I was told it would be a 26 hour dance marathon, I quickly learned was infact more like a 26 hour dance marathon, as well as two hours set up prior, and one hour after, so arguably a 29 hour dance challenge. I also didn't train at all for the marathon, apart from eating more in the lead up to the marathon, as well as sleeping more. Essentially letting my inhibitions of sleep and food aside for one week. It was not enough training.

OK, so the event had many different elements and rules, which I will go into in a moment. Before that I need to underline how absolutely, totally, exhausting it is to be dancing for 26 hours, I have never never never been so tired in my life. Ever. Even my roomate Francis who has trained in the Marines felt shattered by the end. I also need to underline the fact that apparently Americans enjoy industrial amounts of Hip Hop, as in industrial amounts. This was at the sacrifice of many song which you would expect to be fundamental to dancing, such as Franz Ferdinand 'Take me out', or even some White Stripes. Hell, even Christiana Aguleria hit the cutting room floor, all because of the sodding hip hop! It was painful, and I do not think I was alone in believing the music choice was floored. The one moment Kelly Clarkson did actually play, the dance floor went wild. When Hip Hop played, many resigned themselves to a very long, very tiring fate.

Another rule was that every three hours, people had to change their outfits. Apparently in the name of 'fun', it could also have been related to hygiene. Anyhow, in true 'oh god, not the photos' style, here is a quick talk through my outfits;
1) The Dance Marathon T Shirt;
This was a free number, worn int he first hour of the event, it was not part of a theme, but instead an introduction to the next 26 hours.

2) The first theme of the day, and a relitivley easy one. That of 'School Days'. This being hours one through four, spirits still high, novelty still fresh;

3) The UCLA Pride theme. Note the use of UCLA coloured face paint, as well as a rather exclusive (yet luckily for some half price UCLA hoodie). By this point, it was slowly sinking in that, even at the end of this part, there would still be TWENTY hours to go;
4) 90's Night. I didn't really know either, hence this look;

5) I have forgotten what this one was about, but suffice to say it involved an overly revealing vest. Luckily for me however, I was given some free Henna Art from the crafts stall at the back of the dance hall (see my left arm). Notice also how the smile by this point is noticably more forced;

6) The sports look. I opted for a rather fetching YMCA Basketball 2004 T Shirt. Genuine. Possibly Vintage

At this point I had been dancing for upwards of 18 hours, and I had a good 8 hours of dancing left ahead of me. I didn't want to change anymore, so the next costume change section went out of the window, only to reappear for 'Career day'. I feel that, as with My Unicorn in October, this final costume was misjudged by me. I was dressed in a genuine US Military jacket. I would suggest that, it would perhaps be valid form someone to take offense at an American wearing a British army top, especially if they were part of a danced contest. Anyhow, I think I got away with it, but it had uncomfortable moments, and not just because I had been on my feet for 26 hours... The image shown is at the end of the marathon;


Ontop of the costumes, there were many other elements to Dance marathon including;

1) Many people coming out on stage to say how ill they were or how they knew someone who was affected by Aids. When people were unavalible for comment, (as in overnight) we had videos. Whilst quite effecting, it did mean the whole event suffered from some very tight mood changes. "Ooh, it very sad. Oh well, on with the music!"

2) We had dancer captains; each dancer was assigned a captain, which then lead to a group of dancer 'teams'. About four hours into the marathon there was a quiz, which revolved around general aids related statistics. Due to the 'quiz' and competition element however, there was a very odd situation created, that went something like this;
ANNOUNCER; How many children die of Aids a day? A)1500 or B)1650
(Teams confer)
ANNOUNCER; The Answer was B, 1650 children die of aids Every. Single. DAY
Teams; HOOOORAH!!!!!
(This was only made worse by someone saying "oh, I don't think we should be applauding" as it made him look super miserable. It really was a lose lose situation)

3) The event was accented by many a celebrity. This included, but was not limited to;
A) The baddie from the first Spiderman, whom took a shine to a member of his captive audience
B) Kiberby Locke, (that would be the person who came third in American Idol 2. If she were from Britian, she would be 'Sam' from Pop Idol 2.
C) Someone from the OC. Im not sure which one.
D) By far the most exciting woman was this one however;

She came fifth in American Idol 1 I believe. She now presents the TV Guide Channel. When I told her I really didn't have a clue who she was, she laughed and said that she appreciated my honestly. Indeed, as the picture indicates, she seems to be enjoying herself. She didn't however have to dance for 26 hours...

Having danced for 26 hours, and been throughly indoctrinated into the belief that AIDS really is a bad thing, we all went home. I have however learn't three very important life rules form this event;

1) Don't ever dance for 26 hours. Unless forced to. At Gun point.
2) If in doubt play Sean Paul. No one absolutely hates Sean Paul, yet no one actively likes him. Seeing him in concert may just be as dull as drinking a glass of water.
3) A fundamental of Hip Hop is an Air Raid siren. I don't understand why.

Perhaps the best memento of the weekend is this image of my good friend Gen, taken at 6am on Sunday, that would be after 19 hours of dancing, with seven to go;

Dr.Phil Mugs

Hi Again

Two posts at once, like a bus, you wait for one for ages, then two turn up at once, or if you live in LA, you wait for a bus, and it just doesn't appear.

Essentially the last post was not the most exciting (I must confess I wouldn't read it) however, I would read this one as its more interesting I would suggest.

Before I start I just need to say that if you click HERE you will see photos of the stuff I talk about in the blog post below this one.

Ok, so this week I have been held up in bed because I have a cold. It was perhaps not the best idea therefore to get up at 5.50am to go and see Dr Phil again, however I had promised my good friend Gen (from Australia) that I would go with her, as her friend, also from Australia was in town, and apparently loved this sort of thing. I was also contacted by the audience department assuring me that I would receive a preferential seat should I attend. I had also entered into tense negotiation with an audience recruitment lady, who used a pink font in her e-mails. I didn't want to let her down, and you know I reasoned with myself, its for your degree and possibly your internship potential.

Anyhow, having got up, and re accounted the, perhaps inevitable story of 'how I used to get up at this time to work my deli', we arrived at the point where we were meant to get onto our connecting bus, the deceptively titled 'LA Dash' The concept of which was simple ( A bis based in LA that would dash you form one location to another in a short area, in a short space of time for a very low fair) The bus however took a very long time to arrive (their fault) and we caught it going in the wrong direction (Our fault). We then had to wait a very long while to get back to our starting point, to then walk to see Dr.Phil.

As was the procedure last time at Dr.Phil the audience allocation is a bit rubbish. Unlike last time however, I didn't have a VIP ticket, so it was a lot of effort to get a seat. Net result, we were there for an early taping, but were put back to a later taping. This meant that we were going to waiting about three hours or so with little nothing more than free coffee to keep us going.

A little known trick of the trade at Dr.Phil is the fact that no members of staff talk to one another, and that all members of staff believe they are in control. Once this is taken into account, bending the rules to suit your needs is easy. Waiting to go through the first security check in for example we smiled at a security guard for some free coffee. He invited us under the barrier to get some thereby totally undermining the need for a security scan at all.

According to 'the rules' that were oh so flouted on my first trip to Phil, one is not allowed to leave the parking lot, however as hunger set in, two of us went to get some food, whilst third member waited. We were allowed out because we nursed the ego of the security guard, and re entered using the same tactic. We bought a few burgers and the like. In fairness they did smell rather good, however everybody in the queue was also starving. What followed was a little bit like seagulls around a bag of chips, with EVERYBODY in about a 50m radius gravitating towards the food. everyone who walked past also gave the food an evil look. There were mutters of 'I thought we were not allowed to leave the parking lot', and one pensioner actually LUNGED at the burgers in what she later suggested was a joke....

(On the subject of 'the Rules', one of them is 'thou must not wear beige as its not good on camera'. There was a woman dressed in head to toe beige. As in She could not have been more beige if she had tried; beige trouser suit, bronze makeup, and cork shoes with fake beige leather surround. I would not have mattered so much if she were not an absolute arse annoyed that she was potentially not going to get the best seat available to her in the studio)

Anyhow, having seen Phil before I was none too excited about the prospect of what was to come. As we entered the studio however, the mood seemed a little different. The audience was pretty bouncy, and Gen's friend was almost crying in excitement, it was something fun to bounce off of. The first warm up man was received generally very well. This time Robyn came out BEFORE the Dr Phil mugs did. She was also positioned just behind us. Ill explain why this is important....

Essentially the lure of a free Dr Phil book if I screamed was not enough for me this time, as I already have one from last time, and it remains unread. A Dr Phil mug however I was keen about, so, despite the fact I had a cold I was screaming at the top of my lungs at the man running around giving them out. All three of us were screaming and waving our arms, due to the boisterous audience we had to this especially vigorously, to the point where it looked as if we were convulsing. The guy kept ignoring us, But Robyn didn't, eventually pulling the guy over, pointing us out and indicating that a mug should be given. Whereas last time I compared her to Cher, that day Robyn tuned into a very special figure, moving into the category of Davina, Oprah, or Margret, (depending on when it is you know me best from...) Upon receiving said mug we waved at Robyn, she waved back, we toasted her with out mug, and she toasted back (albeit with no mug)

Then Dr.Phil came out and the audience all went wild, as in Dr Phil had to pause for a moment to keep the fans from ruining is first line.

The show followed, and it was an especially good one. The first person one was rejected from American Idol, and she was upset, although no one way quite sure as to what the reason was. On one hand Paula Abdul was not there and she loved Paula. On the other hand apparently Simon Cowell was not nice to her. One the other hand apparently her small town had all been behind her, and she had let them down. On the other hand her mother drove her to the auditions, and did so by using up all her sick days, so then her mother had to do to work sick which sent her into yet more tears. I felt that a verbal slap would have worked, and indeed Dr.Phil must have heard because he told her to shut up wining and to get over yourself (in a nicer 'If you talk to me your gonna have to be honest' way of course).

The next people came on with the usual 'I want my daughter to be famous' type story. Nothing too exciting apart from the professional in the audience suggested that she save her money and put her child into counseling in such a genuinely harsh manner that I was like "thats a little un-nessecary" out loud. The man in front believed me to be Simon Cowell.....

The show went on, and Taylor Hicks came on to do a song or two. For those of you who don't know, and I appreciate that this will be most, if not all, Taylor Hicks won American Idol 5. Like Kelly Clarkson, only not as good, or as young. His band set up, and he did a song which sounded an awful lot like 'i'd do anything for love but I won't do that' by meatloaf, only with worse mixing (we couldn't hear the man) not that that seemed to matter much. The audience all loved him anyhow. (Indeed Dr Phil seemed to love him. Even when the cameras were not on he told Robyn that Taylor was 'a great guy'). Dr. Phil then went onto the set to thank him for the performance, but the audience were screaming for another song. Taylor didn't seem to respond all that well, but then Robyn started piping up rather loudly, and things started to happen. We were promised another song, or rather we were promised THE SAME song.

For a moment the audience changed from ' I love Taylor Hicks, I Love Dr Phil' to 'Well, we did wait over three hours in the parking lot, the LEAST he could do would be a different song'. Mutiny was averted however, when Taylor, realizing his mistake changed his mind and did a different song.

As the second song played, our possy turned to face Robyn to try and communicate that one mug into three simply wouldn't go. She realized, and assured us, through makeshift sign language that she would get us more mugs before the end of the show. Now, I know that, at the end of a show Robyn and Phil walk out arm in arm, never to return, and that she was not going to be able to leave to get our mugs. This meant that, when Robyn walked out with Phil at the end I called after Robyn 'Where's my mug?!' in such a way that she visibly twitched though her smile when leaving alngside her husband. (Unknown to me there was a happy ending in that Robyn had set someone out the back to aquire our extra mugs, presented to us after the show. So, all in all a rather good day. Below are one or two other little bits of the day that I cannot be bothered to integrate into the rest of the blog;

• We all got a free copy of Taylor Hick's new album when leaving the studio
• It had a hole in one corner of the cd package, so we couldn't return it to a record store for cash
• Phil messed up a peice to camera, apparently 'the firs time in over 5 years of Dr Phil'. I doubt it
• I waved at Taylor when he was setting up. He waved back, everyone else thought he was waving at them and so waved back and started screaming.
• Over 60 million people voted for Talor Hicks. That more than the population of Britain. of course it could well have been just 10 people on redial....

In other, very brief news unrelated to Phil;
School in Arizona grew suspicious of a pupil. He was in year 7. .They thought he may be being abused. On closer inspection he was TWENTY NINE! They didn't realize. To cover for him, he had too unrelated paedophiles posing as his uncle, and as his grandfather. They all had sex together. Apparently in court the older men were 'visibly shocked' to learn the age of the man. They have been charged with attempted paedophilia, for, although they didn't have sex with a minor, they believed they were doing so, and thus INTENDED to have sex with a minor. The best line however came from the teacher who found out the whole thing 'We always treat adults on the premises with suspicion. Now, perhaps we need to do the same with the children.' Indeed so. Or perhaps just look at them and realize that they are NOT IN FACT CHILDREN

Hilary is running for Whitehouse hoorah! Interesting that she launch her campaign online. Sign of the times etc etc, and you can see all the fun HERE

I can assure you this is more fun than my other post....

Everybody goes to Hollywood?

Hi All

The blog titles are getting desperate. There will soon, I fear have to be some form of financial incentive for people to offer me new titles for blog entries. I cannot keep it up for another year.

I am very sorry that it has been forever since my last blog update. To be honest since the last blog entry everything just exploded, ands I don't think i have ever been so busy in my life (that's not an exaggeration!) to the point where I ended up collapsing last Sunday, and, amongst a huge laundry pile I ended up with a snotty nose and a cold. I then lay in bed for about a week, only emerging for lectures, and a second visit to Dr Phil (more on that story later). With the pile of things to say getting bigger by the second, the prospect of sitting down to fill in the blog was a prospect I was not relishing. Indeed, reading this you may not be especially excited to know that this blog entry could go on forever. Ill try to make it as brief as possible.

If your reallly stretched for time I will simply let you know that I am well. I will also let you know that, if your reading this, then I'm thinking of you on a regular basis, although I do not contact nearly enough, and that I miss you. That sounds a bit wet and insincere to be honest, but I do mean it, so its staying. Hell, its my blog Ill write what I damn well want!....

Last time I spoke it was Christmas. We then went onto Pennsylvania to a place in the middle of nowhere for my step mothers sup rise Birthday party which was excellent. It is here where the 'good bad or other' section shall begin.

1) Going to excellent house in the middle of nowhere for Birthday party type even EXCELLENT
2) The house, in the middle of nowhere having a cellar that used to be a speakeasy EXCELLENT
3) Mulling over the contradiction that the house was in the middle of nowhere, and yet apparently a commercial success as a speakeasy CONFUSING
4) The fact that the house was very old, but also had a state of the art Jacuzzi with lights that changed colours to reflect one's mood (big Brother style) or would flash every 2 seconds or so as if one were in a watery disco EXCELLENT
5) Going into the Jacuzzi after drinking Egg Nog (a little bit like baileys, only with more cream and cinnamon, but also alcohol) and letting it curdle in your stomach NOT GOOD

(The next night, it was discussed how the house was not excellent as first discussed but in fact a little bit oppressive, as if people who had lived there before had just never left. As an example my step sister in law mentioned a Victorian child's dress left on the door of her room, as if the child had just walked out and never returned. After this I wound up back in the Jacuzzi, and, after others had left I stayed in for a bit. Getting out I realized I really was in the middle of NOWHERE, and that if I were to be killed by a man gunman, or indeed the child returning to salvage her dress I wouldn't be able to do an awful lot about it. I then went to get into bed generally freaked out by the whole thing, and was doing the thing where you listen to every creak which is futile in a house as old as the one we were staying in. It was then that my door creaked open. Evidently unhappy at this point I presumed it was just a latch, but then a small black object came out from the bottom of the door. I was at this point about to die from self induced fear, threw the light on, only to realize it was a cat. After negotiating with said Cat about the possibility of leaving the room it started hissing at me. This was my breaking point, and I instead ran to lock myself in the en-suite for circa 15 minutes) BAD

6) Having Christmas at Step Sisters/Step brothers in law, with father and step mother NICE

7) Being able to hear the queen on Christmas day albeit it at the more civilized hour of 10am TRADITIONAL

8) Went to see Niagara falls which were surprisingly EXCELLENT ( I though they would be BAD, but I liked them..)

9) The coffee shop next to Niagara being a reasonable price and quality EXCELLENT (Tim Horton I love you)

10) Popping into Canada, and seeing a poster saying "Its all about the flavour' PROPERLY AMAZING

11) Vising Thousand Islands (the ones the dressing was named after) NICE

12) Going to a bar in the town we stayed in and meeting 'the locals'. Conversation of the evening went something like this;
Man 1 (on me) This kid 21?! He looks about 15!
Man 2 I service government Agriculture equipment, like fiberglass on tractors and the like
Man 3 (Very drunk) I love my brother (Being Man 1) blah bhah bhah and this was this one time where I hit a guy, and I killed him I think.
Me Can I have another drink please?
(I think he actually did which made the whole thing worse, and I didn't really know what to say to him, I don't think he meant to, confusing...)

13) Visiting the Birthplace of the Mormons EXCELLENT

14) A Mormon attempting to convert me to the religion via the medium of a sign up card;
Mormon; Oh, you just need to fill in your details
Me; Oh, I can post it to you can I?
Mormon; Well yes, but I have a pen, and you can do it now
Me; Oh, well there does not seem to be a suitable surface (we were in a Victorian cottage)
Mormon; Oh, anywhere will do
Me; It looks like a long form, ill do it later
Mormon; Oh no, it will take two minutes, and we can send a Mormon round to visit you
Me; Oh I live in California, I don't think it would necessarily work out
Mormon; Oh, there are loads of Mormons in California

Putting fake details down to keep the Mormons happy - BAD

(as a note Mormons were created in Northern New York, Mr Mormon believing that the Angel Gabrielle visited him, gave him some scripture in hieroglyphics, and suggested that white Americans were the first to America, and that the native Americans stole it off the white Americans, therefore taking America was in fact just taking America BACK. They used to allow more than one wife, but then banned that about 100 years back, they also have a ban on all hot drinks, apart from cocoa, which apparently is not a hot drink. Coke and Pepsi are grey areas. There is a Mormon standing for President from the Republican side. Donny Osmond is also a Mormon)

15) Downloading Nelly Furtardo's album 'Loose'' AMAZING!!

16) Nelly Furtardo's New video featuring Los Angeles in the background BRILLIANT (you can see it HERE if you want to)

17) Getting back to LA LA land in time for New Year INDIFFERENT

18) New Years Eve - Generally a let down, however, this years was a particular let down due to the fact that Los Angeles simply could not be bothered. Out XL Pizza was too small. The TV showered a time shift of times Square at midnight (despite the fact the ball had dropped 3 hours previous due to timezones). Going onto the apartment roof to see firework was rubbish as it was cold, and there were no fireworks. Even the version of Auld Lang's Eye was a rubbish version. New Years is always rubbish, but this years was AWFUL

After New Year's Eve, life appeared bleak indeed, however.....

19) Steffen's friend hiring a car AMAZING

20) Actually managing to secure a car SUPER STRESSFUL. Here is why; (You can skip this bit if your in a hurry)

• it took over 5 hours
• The first place we tried to hire a car from promised us $300, it cost $450 when we arrive. The price jumped up and down, until we arrived at $380
• We then got into a row with the company over signing a blank cheque (apparently a standard procedure. Steffen being of both German and an Economist begged to differ, suggesting that signing a blank cheque was asking for trouble)
• An employee thinking he could lighten the mood by listing all the German swear words he knew. I have now learned that there is no way to wind a German up quicker than listing all the German swear words you know.
• We then stormed out, with Steffen and salesperson refusing to even look at one another
• After going to another company, we were quoted $800. This was too much, so the woman on the desk whispered another company, and that, if we just sat and waited someone would come and pick us up.
• We were indeed picked up by a random woman from the major car rental people (At this point I considerd slipping one of credit cards into my underwear, so that, if we were all mugged at least I could get us a taxi home)
• Luckily it all worked out, and we got a nice car, but it was a lot of effort!

With the car now in our grasp, we did a lot of fun stuff;

21) Going to another premier. Waiting 2.5 hours to see anyone BAD!

22) A very loud, irritating woman screaming at celebrities I have never even heard of, such as 'Angel from American Dreams' or 'Angelina Jolies Dad' BAD

23) Meeting Justin Timberlake SO SO

24) Buying a pen shaped like a fish for Justin to sing his autograph with, as well as a nice postcard depicting a cocktail in an airplane for Justin to sign his autograph on. Surprisingly NICE

25) The Pacific Coast Highway - The reason people come to Los Angeles AMAZING!

26) Malibu - (The place not the drink) BEAUTIFUL ALSO
(N.B Cher lives around these parts. I was excited)

27) Walking up the back of expensive houses on the sand. DULL

28) The Santa Monica mountains - Where they filmed mash, and where you can see the sea and mountains, and a very nice 'Nature Centre' EXCELLENT

29) The fact it rained this day EXCELLENT (not so exciting in retrospect, ill explain why soon)

30) Going to the Queen Mary - A very nice boat in long beach. It sounds DULL, but was in fact AMAZING. Here is why;

• We got into it for free, because the doorman/security guard liked us
• You can recreate that bit from Titanic on it
• A slightly surreal coffee shop
• You can go pretty much anywhere in it, and you feel like your exploring
• There is a Russian submarine next to the boat declaring 'Communism Sank, but the submarine rose!'

31) Next to the old Queen Mary boat a real cruise liner was getting ready to leave. I wondered across to the entry people to see if I could have a look around. The woman laughed and said that I was too late, I should have asked before 9/11. AMUSING

32) Having lunch in 'Hooters' a little bit like a Hungry Horse, only more expensive, and with 'Girls' wearing revealing outfits who serve you. I didn't know where to look. BAD

33) Going to Walmart - It didn't sell any food apart from dried goods such as 'candy' and carbonated drinks. It had a Mc Donalds attached that you could purchase your food from at the checkout OBESE AND BAD

34) Going to Ikea, and buying a big fat blanket for my bed for about 7 pounds (on the downside it was 'used'. I did however wash it) WARM AND EXCELLENT
(NB, The potential/definite global warming thing has meant that its been really cold and wet in LA. It snowed here a few weeks back, which is literally unheard of. My roomate took a photo of the hail to celebrate. Someone used the understated phrase 'Its the best day of my life' to express the joy he felt to be COLD!)

35) The ease of doing laundry in this country EXCELLENT

36) University starting again BAD

37) My new classes;

• The Media strategy class - also know as the 'why television and adverts are bad for you' class. Just shut up! I like adverts and television thank you.
• The Russian literature class - Good, but far too many books to read. They are dense, and take forever to read.
• Analysing California - On the face of it fun and varied. In reality DULL

I have come to the conclusion that I'm working at a GCSE level, only with 4-5 times as much work. As a result I am continually annoyed with my work, and under stimulated. Having said all this however, it is interesting to see how it all works, and fills out my time quite nicely. And I am able to do modules that I would never get a chance to do in the UK. And there is a potential I may do a fun photography project, so its not all bad news. Ill settle for the word OK

38) I realize now that irony does not work at all well on Americans. BAD

39) Being able to download Celebrity Big Brother in America - BRILLIANT!
(In America the newscaster places their opinion onto the news. Imagine Hue Edwards or similar half way through a broadcast just stopping the show to say how he felt about the whole thing. Its an interesting concept, and, as an avid Big Brother viewer of some time I think I may attempt to do this on the whole Shilpa thing. If you don't want to know then move on now)

What I think about the whole Shilpa Poppadom thing
It's all a little bit late for the Carphone warehouse to get an arse on about the content of Big Brother. If this is the case then it has supported extreme emotional manipulation (BB7 when Richard's mother wrote to him to say that she was getting over her cancer, played for maximum emotional impact) Potential violence (BB5 Fight) as well as bullying in the form of Big Brother itself. If you get into Big Brother then I guess its sort of part of parcel, but for Carphone Warehouse to get an arse on because of racism is I believe hypocritical, and indeed the media getting an arse on only now really is pushing it a bit. Rant over

40) On day 5 of CBB, the realization that over 500 pounds of hard earned laptop, years of development, and the world of information technology has gone into me being able to see Jade Goody's Mother fart on my laptop in California

The first week of term the weekend was consumed with;
The weekend road trip!
41) Five people in a really rather small rented car INTIMATE

42) Stopping at the most bizarre service station in the desert which featured a converted train carrage now a Mc Donals, and the most surreal giftshop ever, including Nelson Mandella and Bill Clinton action figures, as well as 'I love my German Sheppard' socks PRICELESS

43) Stopping past Las Vegas and eating a 'Cadbury Chrunchie' imported from, randomly, Australia EXCITING

44) My first vision of Vegas being a Bingo Hall, an old Bingo hall AMUSING

45) Going to Vegas through the 'coldest winter ever' COLD!
(An interesting fact is that when the air is freeing and your wearing lots of layers is that there are about 1bn potential electric shocks to be had BAD)

46) Ending up in Utah, home to 70% of America's Mormons surprisingly GOOD

47) Attempting to go to the Grand Canyon, then learning its closed so going to Xion national park, a stunning natural mounties area EXCELLENT

48) It being freezing and snowy FREEZING

49) Eating snow and icicles EXCELLENT

50) Climbing a mountain in the freezing cold in little more than a pair of Converse, Tesco Value jeans, and a Marks and Spencer moleskin jacket STILL FREEZING

51) Being tutted at by some professional mountain climbers who are wearing the proper attire for a freezing cold mountain ANNOYING

52) Almost slipping off the mountain on the descent AMUSING

53) Attempting to go and see a Canoyon as the sun sets, temperatures plummeting, no street lights, and being pulled over by police for apparently having too many people in the car (We didn't) NOT FUN

54) Realizing that 'plummeted temperature' in fact meant -20C! SCARY

55) Deer running across the already pitch black road, and thick freezing fog billowing across the road MORE SCARY

56) Arriving back at hotel GOOD

As you can tell by the 56 bullet points, a good time had by all, well, good time had by David indeed. What has followed recently has been work catch up, the realization that I had a dissertation to write (I have just bought 12 back issues of Oprah's magazine for just 5 pounds delivered, a big fat Oprah book, and I have just discovered that UCLA had 1500 back episodes of Oprah, I believe that one can have too much of a good thing sometimes)

I also discovered that next quarter I can get an internship, as in unpaid work for some place in LA. Now, this was exciting enough for me (I need to bulk out my CV a bit, I want to get a job when I graduate, American Studies won't sell itself!) But then I found out that only the Dr Phil offers sodding internships! I was just in the process of converting my CV for an American audience when I fell ill with a cold, and sort of stopped for a week. Not good. When ill I did manage to drag myself to a job fair type thing for Internships, however it was rubbish, mainly because if it were held in the uk it would turn very quickly into the 'how much free stuff are you prepared to give me' game, but here its 'how pretentious can I be with my leather bound Cv's to offer you' game. I left very annoyed, writing it off as a 'Not in the mood for America day'

Anyhow, if you have got this far, well done, the other blog post is better isn't it?

New York New York so good they named it twice, Im an alien, im a legal Alien, I'm An englishman in New York, It's up to you New York, New York, etc

HI all!

(I know this is the longest blog entry ever but if your in a hurry just scroll down to point 12, it’s the best bit of the entry me thinks)

Also, if readings not your thing, I have popped the photo’s up online HERE ( be warned however it’s a little bit like every ‘I’m in New York’ photo set you will ever see!)

There is also a rather fun video of a protestor at UCLA that I popped onto you tube HERE

So I finally have enough time to update my blog, the past three weeks have been so stupidly busy. In America you write by the page number, not by the word count. Net result means that these past two weeks I have written roughly 38 pages. In a Marjorie Dawes type way its just HALF the content, so you can have twice as much.

Anyhow, very quick rundown of the past weeks in LA;

I’m finally coming to terms with all of its contradictions, and learning to love them in a perverse way. (I had been heavily criticized for being so anti American in my last blog entry) So I would like to say about now that I’m pretty much starting to get into the swing of things.

Had an excellent thanksgiving meal about three weeks ago, prepared two excellent turkey breasts. In an image of what my future Christmas days will be like however, I cooked all afternoon, people came, ate then physically COULDN’T MOVE because of all the food they had consumed. In the equivalent of collapsing in front of the telly I got my laptop out and we put on ‘Death of a President’ – A hard hitting fake drama about George W Bush being shot. Not very thanksgiving day I grant thee. It was however a bit rubbish, and so afterwards, everyone a little bit annoyed at having to watch such rubbish, I put on ‘Princess Nikki’, in which Nikki went to a sewage farm, cried and screamed a lot. (It was not lost in translation on the American, the Australians or the German), so that was excellent fun.

There is more I could say about LA, like how we went to an excellent Chinese restaurant the other day, or going to see Sister Act the musical, or the insane amount of mad people in LA, or how when a guy I met said that he dated a girl from Leeds I almost instantly tried to joke about the potential for her being a slag ( I was stopped just in time before reeling how offensive that would have sounded) but I’m going to move on swiftly to, what could be the highlight of my very year abroad so far;

NEW YORK NEW YORK – A good bad or crap special edition

Ok, so I traveled to New York overnight on Sunday, to arrive in New York on Monday, and have met with father and Step mother today, Thursday. This means that I have had 3.5 days to explore New York by myself. It has been excellent, however a little solitary, and has given me plenty of time to evaluate New York. It is for this reason I have a rather bumper edition of what’s excellent and or crap (NB; Starting to sound a little Jo Whiley ‘What Rocked and What Sucked?’

1) I had to change flights on the way to New York. Because of the hour difference I had to change at what felt like 4am BAD

2) I arrived in Charlotte North Carolina (Google Map it if your interested) I got to my flight area, and they said my flight was overbooked, and would people please volunteer to change their flight. I was like ‘oh whatever!’ until they said what the compensation was; A free return flight Inc taxes to anywhere in the United States good for one year. It could be transferred to another person’s name if I wished (hello eBay should you so desire) upon hearing this I literally ran at the desk saying I should 100% be a volunteer. Net result a free flight worth roughly $400 or 200 pounds OUTSTANDING!

3) No pound symbol on my laptop BAD

4) Getting to New York I realize it is cold. All the leaves are gone, and the sky is grey. It finally feels a little bit less like the eternal summer I have become used to AMAZING

5) I get onto the bus at the Airport. It is full. A bulshy driver starts to (there’s no better word for it) holler at some Spanish speaking people at the back ‘OK, LETS GET IT TOGETHER, STOP CHATTING AND THEN WE CAN LEAVE!’ Later, she screamed over the loud hailer of the bus ‘If you get off the emergency exit THEN WE CAN LEAVE! Dumbass!’. She was not even especially malicious with it, just very forward and honest. Very forward and honest? After being in such a smiley city for the past four months? That’s my kind of person (i.e. being friends with Anja, George, Amy, Danica etc etc) AMAZING

4) Upon arriving In New York I check in at my hostel. As it starts to get dark I go to visit the Rocafeller Christmas tree. I know its famous, and I know people keep going on about it, but it is truly inspired. It’s a simple Christmas tree, with only one color of light, that won’t flash. But it is excellent for many a reason;

Its Huge
It’s a real tree
It has projected snowflakes floating down from the Rocafeller tower above it
It has an ice skating rink at the bottom of it

It has six foot Nut crackers around the outside

It has Angel type wire statues leading up to it

There is a store (Saks and Company) at the end of the street that has an excellent light display on the outside of the shop, adding to the festive joys

INSPIRED!

5) Then sort of wondered across to Times Square. I know its all famous, and a little bit cliché, but it is one excellent big advert, and now, all in high definition screens (I could, and very nearly did watch the Coca Cola screen all day). I have never been somewhere that advertises quite so heavily or so excellently. AMAZING

5a) (Skip this story if your in a hurry, but I like it)

The Charmin Restrooms

So in Times Square, amongst all the adverts, there was this massive banner for Charmin toilet paper it read ‘Go on, your in New York, treat yourself to the best’. Nothing amazing here you may think, however it was an interactive advert. There was a Charmin bear outside this vast building in Times Square to get people into the place to use the bathrooms/toilets. What was so excellent however was there were also two extremely enthusiastic employees screaming ‘Come use our Charmin restrooms, they’re free and excellent’. In the background at just above comfortable volume was the ‘Charmin Cha Cha slide’, it was on repeat, possibly eternally. Usually in this sort of situation I would just pass by, but, as I was alone I could afford the luxury, so went inside. I went up the escalator, feeling a new found sense of enthusiasm for the toilet paper industry (It is made by Proctor and Gamble, whom I applied for a little while back), I got to the top of the escalator, where this man with a Charmin bear paw on wanted to high five me, presumably for such an excellent choice of restroom. In the actual toilet area there was a dance floor area, some sort of a basket ball net, and doors concealing the restrooms. As every person either entered a toilet cubicle or came out, the staff would literally scream and applaud whomever went through. (The restrooms themselves had four different choice of Charmin brand roll, and Bounty kitchen paper, made by the same company, for your hands). It was a truly bizarre four minutes of my life, and I very much doubt I will ever think of Charmin in the same way again CHA CHA CHA AMAZING

6) My hostel – I have come to learn since my Bahia stay in Ecuador not to expect the Ritz from a hostel. TO cut a long story short I was paying about 14 pounds a night to stay in an excellent location in New York, at which the staff were very friendly and nice. The bad however was that there was, on more than one occasion cockroaches, and I shared my room with up to five others. On Tuesday morning however, I was woken at the ungodly however of 9.50am to some people presumably form Mexico attacking the bathroom next to out room (divided by only a very thin diving wall) WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER. They also had walkie talkies turned up to full volume. Even if there had been a ‘Who can make the most noise in the most creative and destructive manner’, they still could not have beaten these people. I was then informed that, in order to shower I would have to go into the building next to mine as there had been ‘A major leak in the night’. I then proceeded to run in boxers, t shirt and towel to the next building, taking in the Manhattan sidewalk. In a perverse way it was quite fun. Like the bus driver once again it all felt very honest. EXCELLENT!

7) Went Downtown and saw all the sights, all the ones you know, ground Zero, Wall street, Battery Park. I love New York because you can actually walk places, and, what’s that coming over the hill? Is it a public space; is it a public space yeah? Apart from the obvious central park, there are public spaces and children’s playgrounds about. Ok they are not all excellent aesthetically, but it’s a really cool idea, and people seem to use them. LA maybe should take note… EXCELLENT

8) Walking across Brooklyn Bridge. With the traffic below you and the vast river below its very frightening, yet also beautiful. The rails over the road too were also just slightly too low for comfort in parts. As with horse riding in Ecuador, the combination of beauty of also a sense of fear seems to lead to intensely lasting and memorable impression BEAUTIFUL!

9) Wound up in Brooklyn, got very lost. BAD!

10) Came back to Manhattan, the streets are numbered and in a grid like system. Very easy not to get lost, even for me. EXCELLENT.

11) Went to see a play in the evening – it was called ‘An Oak Tree’ I was going to get a ‘cheap’ Broadway’ ticket, until I found out that ‘cheap’, ‘Broadway’ and ‘David’s budget’ are about as compatible as ‘Dr Phil’ and ‘Showing the episode I saw’, so I instead saw a (genuinely) cheap off Broadway production. It was sort of cool the premise without wanting to bore you is that 1 actor does his show every night, and gets another actor to play the only other part in the play every night. The other actor has never seen the script or play before, and does not know what it is about. It all comes together very artistically of course, and is about how grief cannot be monitored or limited like the actor in the play is. I cannot say exactly how I felt about it, so I will go with GOOD

12) Good Morning America

In the eternal pursuit of fun stuff to do that is cheap or free, I called up ‘Good Morning America’ to see if I could get tickets as they film in Times Square. They called me back, offering me a place in their audience, saying that I needed to be in Times Square for 6.20 in the morning.

If you don’t know, Good Morning America is the breakfast TV show from ABC who make lost, Desperate Housewives, and are owned by Disney. The closest uk equivalent to this show is GMTV, however if GMTV were the Asda, this would be very much the Marks and Spencer end of the market.

Anyhow, get to the studio, start taking to some people in the queue (I was going to write ‘line’ then, I’m turning American ARGH!) After discussing about this woman doing a runner from Los Angeles as it irritated her (her words, not mine!) we then moved onto discussing 9/11 conspiracy theories, and how it could be an inside job. I doubt it to be honest, but what can you do?

We stand around for a bit, watch the pre recorded allegedly ‘live’ first 20 minutes of the show, in which we are talked through by an excellent lovely woman Samantha. Unlike the arse at Dr Phil who was like ‘scream louder if you want free stuff’ she was actually quite nice. For example;

“Now, when the weather is on, we get no audio down here. I take these moments to reflect on where my life is going, and I invite you to do the same”

What’s this I hear you cry? American humor that an English man finds hilarious? I know, its odd. yet also EXCELLENT

The show was largely filmed upstairs, and we were downstairs. They only did about three bits of the show downstairs, and for various reasons the crowd was fluid and moved a lot;

The first was on Times Square (Weather presenter with back to crowd) I stood on tiptoes, just to get in shot. It was a little bit like Extras.

Another part was filmed back in the studio area. I was also in the back of the shot. So far, so good, yet, there is more, and, perhaps irritatingly this needs some introduction;

Yesterday it was December 13^th or 12 days to Christmas. To mark this occasion they wanted the audience of about 50 to sing the twelve days of Christmas. We were told that an army band was also going to be singing it live somewhere in New York. We were told to sing in time and that at some point the band singing would fade into us singing. Despite a successful run through in the advert break, upon our actual moment the spotlight, the audience fell apart somewhere on the “On the sixth day of Christmas” line. I never even pretended to know the words, apart from the excellent FIVE GOLD RINGS line, which I always think it is fun to belt out at quite a volume. I can also do the numbers without the actual line, so as a result you get half a song. I was, however still rather keen (those of you have heard me sing before will know) So, my singing went something a little bit like;
On the Eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me EIGHT (silence)
SEVEN (silence)

SIX (silence)

FIVE GOOOOOLD RINGS!

FOUR (silence)

THREE French hens

TWO turtle doves

And A partridge in a pear tree.

I didn’t quite gauge as I was singing however a number of key factors;

1) the tone of my FIVE GOLD RINGS extravaganza

2) the fact that the two key presenters were right in front of me, complete with camera, the image being of me in the centre between them

3) The fact that the microphone was very close to me

4) The fact that apparently everyone else did know the words, and I was wrong to doubt them

5) The fact that I continued singing, even when the presenters were trying to talk.

Net result; At my five gold rings moment for about the third time, the presenter, in a rather disconcerted and shocked tone cried ‘Young man!’ into the microphone. As the singing form both the band and the audience subsided she said to the camera

”oh wow! You all sang so beautifully. (turns to look at me) Apart from you!”

Excellent, national television, potentially 300 million viewers, ridiculed for my inferior vocal cords and exaggerated sense of enthusiasm.

(As I had photo’s at the end of the show same presenter sang in a very off pitch tone FIVE GOOOOOLD RINGS! At me)

What I found excellent about the show was the fact the presenters genuinely seemed to care. When the cameras were off, they still seemed to be genuinely friendly towards one another. Props, such as some chocolates were shared with the audience members, and the presenters seemed only too happy to pose for pictures with fans (as I was leaving one audience member was straddling the weather man) As we left too, excellent Samantha even thanked us for coming. Dr Phil should be making bloody notes.

Overall therefore EXCELLENT OUTSTANDING GOOD BRILLIANT

NB When I get back to LA ill pop the video of the incident onto you tube.

13) Central Park – After the mornings entertainment spent some time in Central Park. With a gingerbread latte from Starbucks. Both excellent, although I’m worried about appearing pretentious buying such items as a Grande gingerbread latte. GOOD!

14) Shopping on 5^th Avenue – Draining, but quite a lot of fun. Some of the window displays were excellent. I went into the equivalent of Harrods in Tosco value jeans. Felt a little bit like a rebel as a result EXCELLENT

15) This morning got a train to the airport to meet my father and step mother. All went well. The train however was hilarious, due to the running commentary by the conductor woman, who reminded me a little bit of Whoopi Goldberg. She combined high pitch and soft pitch, and waved her arms in such an artistic manner, it sounded like poetry

“There must be no bags on my seats. These seats must remain free of bags; there will be NO BAGS on these seats”

16) Got to this place in Staten Island, where I have my own room, for the first time in about 4 months (NB, you know I love you Diego!!!!). Its effectively a Victorian house, compete with floral pattern next to a freeway and a big car park. I have photo’s, but its such an odd place! AMAZING

17) Staten Island ferry with my father, seeing Manhattan through a thich fog. Erie and EXCELLENT

18) Loosing your father on the boat. BAD!

19) Spellchecking this entry BAD!

So basically I love New York, although it sounds cliché. Its such a refreshing place to be in. It’s so real, and seems almost to be in on itself, like it ‘gets it’ in a way that other places just don’t. And it rains! More blog stuff soon……